She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
