Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
