I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
