I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize