So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize