fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
