Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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