you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
