omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
