ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
