please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
