You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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