I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
