I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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