you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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