you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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