I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
