around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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