you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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