Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
