I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
