I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
