Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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