yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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