There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
