At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
