we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
