You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
