Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize