hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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