thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
