Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
