If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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