he was CRYING into my vagina
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
