the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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