I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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