Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
