True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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