All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
