i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
