is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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