so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
