So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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