Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize