I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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