Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
