Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
