So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
