I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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