3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
