The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
