I heard we made out
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
