im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
