So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
