I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
