before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.