There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
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She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.