At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.