i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.