i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so let's talk penis.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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