I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity