i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
