I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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