God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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