I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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