Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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