found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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