if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
