mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
