i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
