omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
