I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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