so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
