Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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