I feel great
I just peed on a car
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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