he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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