Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
