My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
