Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
