jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do herpes really smell.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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