I hate all girls vehemently.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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