i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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