WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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