I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
