yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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