Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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