I can tuck mytits in my pants
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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