the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
