I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
