I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
