You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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