um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
