my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
