That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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